I went to Columbia! The District of, that is. Haha!

“That wasn’t even funny,” says a random passerby, who is decidedly unattractive.

Well, you would probably think it was funny if you were attractive.

“I don’t think that was funny either,” says Attractive Girl, looking very attractive.

Dang. Well, irregardlessly, I went to DC.

“‘Irregardlessly’ is not a word,” points out AG.

Will you all be quiet and let me write my blog??

“You should just use ‘regardless’ or ‘notwithstanding.'”

Fine.

“I’m just saying.”

Okay. Can I continue now?

Good. So I went to the capital of our great nation and-

“Should be capitol with an ‘o’…” mumbles AG.

-saw many great national — wait, how can you tell what spelling I’m using?? Aren’t you a narrative device, i.e. it’s like we’re having a conversation?

“Good point. You know,” she says, “I really don’t know how I can tell. You’re the one who made me up. Maybe you have MPD.”

A Morbid Propensity for Disaster? I doubt that would-

“No, Multiple Personality Disorder.”

Oh… really? Do you think I might?

“I strongly doubt it,” growls Mr. Yerfulovit. “But that would be just like him, wouldn’t it?” turning to Attractive Girl for support.

“It seems like the kind of ailment he would falsely claim,” she agrees.

You guys! Stop ganging up on me! I’m trying to write about Washington DC!!

“We can write about it too, since we went there with you!” says a mob of nearby teenagers.

“It’s true,” points out the unattractive passerby from the beginning of this post. “We have just as much claim to write about things as you do, since we are all here in your head. The head,” he adds meaningfully, “which traveled to all these places.”

Well, gee… you’re right, Unattractive Passerby. Maybe I should let you guys write this one then?

“Sweet!” says the mob of teenagers.

“Hey guys!” says one of them. “Watch this!”

Note from Attractive Girl: The rest of this post was written by the uncontrolled mob of teenagers. It became insanely large and largely insane, so it was then edited for brevity by Mr. Yerfulovit. When he was done editing, there was nothing left except a couple words:

rabid bunnies

monument

Everyone was pretty happy with this post, in fact it got posted, but I used my Attractiveness to get Zach to give me editing privileges on this post, so I could write this explanation for you. I think all of us narrative devices learned our lesson here. Or, even if we didn’t, the lesson was still clear — narrative devices shouldn’t become narrators. Did you hear me, teenagers?

“Yeah, yeah,” they admit, shuffling their feet. Then one of them whispers “rabid bunnies” and they start snickering.

NEXT: Zach writes about Washington DC without getting interrupted.