Quotebook: My English Students

I knew the moment I began grading homework and saw that a student had written my name as "Zeor" that I was going to encounter a goodly number of amusing English blunders during my tenure here in Korea. I decided at that point to begin keeping a file of the best ones, the ones that made me chortle to myself and disrupt the others in the office.

Ji-su is smart. But she is not kind.
Ha-ji is very tall. But she is not smart.
Ju-youn is always happy. But she is not tall.
People have good things and bad things.
-Kayoung 1/18

I love the taste of fresh frog in my mouth. -Many students wrote "frog" in the blank on the exam. I asked if this was a cultural thing, but the Korean teachers were just as baffled as I was.

When I sleep, after one hour I start to spear. -Paul, on exam

I dominate my sister. -Steven 1/15

We are environment bad. So fresh air eat hard. -Yu Jin 1/15

I want to grow up dentist, because I will fix teeth with other people. I think dentist is good, because dentist help other people's teeth. -Kayoung 1/25 (really I only included this because I generally think talking about teeth is funny)

My mom is skinny and clean but my dad is fat and dirty. Almost every day, they fight because of dad's dirtyness. When they're fighting, they look so cute. -Cassie 1/31

She said to me "Sister! Zach is a good teacher!"
I asked to her, "Why do you think so?"
"Because, he teaches us too hard!"
"I think so too!" -Julie 1/31

My chick is petty. -Jack 1/15

I have a mouth. -Jina, when required to use the word 'mouth.' 1/17

I won't math study. Because math study is loathsome.

Jolt: to give a sudden shark. -Mike 2/8

The baby had black hair, white skin, and red chicks. -Andrea 2/8

Once upon a time, there was a princess whose name was Casserella. She was really really ugly, and she had no personality at all. One day, there was a call from the broadcasting station. The lady said that Casserella have had selected from this program where you change ugly girls to a pretty women by plastic surgery. Casserella had all this surgeries like Votox, eye surgery and stuff. Casserella really changed. She became like Angelina Jolie. And so, she married a man that looks like Brad Pitt. And they lived happily ever after. -Cassie 2/8

He thought, "My life has been in vain. I have to find my worth of life, and ... a lunch." -Kelly 2/8

My mother sometimes looks at my notes. I sometimes hate that. -Hannah 2/8

I want to buy many many clothes. I have lots of avarice. -Anna 2/27

In Korea, if you bow to adults, you can get money. -Diana 2/27

Q: After the earthquake, is everyone OK? Describe their condition.
A: Abby: OK, but her leg is more damaged
Jonathan: OK
Moose: OK
Tree, ground: Not OK
-Lily 2/20

If I could have a super power, I want to hit my brother. Because, last 9 years my brother hit me. I am patient 7 years, but last year, I started to resistance to my brother. So, I want to hit my brother. -Henry 2/13

And my personal favorite:

SeongDong-gu is in Seoul. Seoul is in South Korea. South Korea is in space. -Julie 2/13

BATCH II

Time for another entertaining collection of quotes from my students!! Enjoy.

I like night. Because I like sleep. It's happiness. -Eddie 3/7

I'm shop for food juice and gum. -Andy 3/7 (haha food juice)

Q: Your dog dies. How do you feel?
A: Every day my dog bit me. So very happy. -Steven 3/14

In my class have Gun Min-jung student. Every students hates her because she is very dirty. I hate her too. -Speedy 3/29

Last semester I play soccer in sometimes. This semester I eat rice. -Alex, semester review 4/4

Judgement: sports single victory. -Wendy 4/4

When in the spring, people move very sprightly. -Jamie 4/4

Q: Write two sentences: one in the past, and one in the present.
A: I'm past: Baby
I'm present: I eat the gum -Alex

The story is very long. But you feel curious so I tell you. -Amanda 2/27

Q: What will you do when you are older?
A: I will make a cleaning robot. Because I can help my mom. -Kevin 5/10

Father like huge cow. -Tony 5/16

When I come to my home maybe I am very hungry. I will eat a lot of meal. -Tom 5/10 (not funny, but so darn cute!)

I don't like test. Go away test! Go! Never come back! -Jacky 5/23

I have a sofa. It is very cottony. -Matthew 5/31

I like computer, bed, ice cream and Nintendo DS. Because in computer I can see hundreds of games and I can find hundreds of difficult words like electric dictionary. I like bed because it's very very soft. I like ice cream and Nintendo DS because ice cream is cool and Nintendo DS is very fun. But I will effort eating fairly. -Andy 5/31

The firefighter have to save people and children in fire place. It is danger. -Tom 6/12

Q: Who is the person who takes the mail?
A: Mailman uncle. -Peter 6/18 (a direct translation)

I like sleep because it is warm. -Judy 6/19

There was a litter gril
Who had a litter curl
Write in the middle of her frohead
When she was goob
She was very good indeed
But when she was bad she was horred. -Wendy 6/26 (she almost remembered the poem)

I love my things. -Katie 5/31

Continue the dialogue:
Teacher: Do you have your homework?
Student: No, I don't.
Teacher: Why not?
--
Student: Because of my friend.
Teacher: Your friend? Why?
Student: She made fun of me, so I have to make fun of her.
Teacher: How long does it take to make fun of her?
Student: About 20 minutes.
Teacher: You are really stupid!
-Julie 6/7

The person who is intelligent is Zach. He is funny and friendly teacher. -Kelly 6/7

When it rains almost every body wears rain cats. -Katie K. 7/3

I hates summer vacation. Because I have to go to English class everyday. I'm very busy. I hates it. I hate summer vacation. I'm very unlucky. -Katie P. 7/23

Topic: summer vacation.
Essay: I spent summer vacation.
Shark is attack
university and
mine its
mother and
eat the
rule and university student and eat
vegetable and
a learned man and Zach
common people
and
TV and
important document and
old person and
nurse.
Bye~
-Matthew 7/23
(Wow.)

And my personal favorite for this batch:

Q: Write a problem in your life and the solution.
A: Problem: I hate to finish my life
Solution: Become a god
-Dean 7/31
(He also drew a picture of me & other students worshipping his winged form. Any psychologists care to offer an analysis?)

Batch III

Ladies and gentlemen, another hilarious and thoroughly cute installment of selections from my students' writing. Enjoy!

You have more hair! -Cassie, immediately when I entered the classroom

Q: Write a sentence using pre-
A: Prepare the chickens.
-David 9/13

Q: Write a language.
A: Spainese
-Ted 9/19

Can I borrow your hand? -Katie 10/4 (spoken)

Q: What advice would you give to Coyote?
A: Don't swipe!
-Bella 10/2

My mother is photographic. -Andy 10/15

I want to eat photo. -Kevin 10/15

Certainly, it takes strange or very dangerous diseases. For example, diabetes, high blood pressure and miserable death!!! -Rachel 8/1

TOPIC: What are you afraid of?
ESSAY: I afraid of a soul. [I think she means ghost]
Soul: I'm soul!
Me: Oh my got! I don't like soul! I'm afraid!
Soul: Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm not afraid soul.
Me: Really? Oh! I like you. I like soul.
(This story is funny and merry Ha! Ha! Ha!)
-Olivia 6/20

When I was a child that I don't remember what years, I usually take my balloons to my room. It was my treasure. But a few days later, the balloon was getting smaller and smaller. Like sick people in hospital. -Sherry 8/9

Children are our growing sprouts. -Cindy 8/9

I like pet store. Because I like animals and they seldom obey. So I like them. -Cindy 8/7

I really like to have my stomach full all the time! You need to eat a lot to make energy. -Cassie 8/2

My favorite sport is dodge ball because I like to catch and throw balls. -Katie 7/12

I think Thanksgiving day ate songpyeon. -Sam 9/19 (songpyeon is a traditional Korean food)

We can do fun things in a forest:
1) We gather a chestnut.
2) Drink a fresh air.
-Louis 10/9

Q: What are five things you can see on the street?
A: *homeless people
*trash
*people
*cars
*crazy
-Esther 9/16

I hate chocolate it can hurt my teeth but when we suck it, it doesn't hurt me! -Andy 10/25

I like Halloween! Because Halloween is children take many chocolate and many candy. And I'm child! -Sally expertly utilizing syllogism, 10/25

I want to wear monster costume. But my brother want to wear a princess costume because he likes girls. -Tom 10/25

Halloween's special vegetable is pumpkin. -Sue 10/25

Halloween is go to who home push the bell "Give me the candy."
So adults say "hahaha yes I give candy." -Eric 10/25

And my favorite from this batch is:

I went to the church camp with my church friends and teachers. I got the holy in it. -David 8/30