The Lost Otulet
Once upon several times there was a small otulet. He lived with his parental unit in a large bed of kelp. Otulets float. They cannot dive. One day an evil, sinister man came and threw dust in the air, laughing evilly, and doing a sinister little dance. Suddenly, the man was obliterated by a large wave crashing against the shore. The wave was part of an immense storm. During the storm, more immense waves washed the little otulet up on the shore, separating him from his parental unit. He emitted a considerable quantity of doleful wails upon realization of his posish.
Far away in a land called @$%, a boy named * was reading a #. "*!" called his mom. He put down his # and went to his mom. "Take out the trash, *," said his mom. "OK," replied young *. There was only a handful of trash in the garbage can. He grabbed it and headed off to throw it in the ocean. "SQUAWK?" said his pet |!#^|@^, whose name was @. "OK, @, you may come, too." So the boy and his pet |!#^|@^ went to the ocean.
On the way there, they were apprehended by a tall, dark, sinister man in a black cloak. "HA HA HA HA HA!" he shrieked. "NOW I've got you, *!!" He then walked into the way of a semi.
* and @ continued going to the ocean. A man in suspenders and thick glasses met them. "Howdy," he blurged. * could not blurge, so he said. This is what he said: "Hi."
"Heading West?" asked the man, rubbing his hands together.
"I don't know," said *.
"SQUAWK!!" said @.
"Oh, I see," said the man.
AWEEP! went something.
The man began casting sinister glances about.
AWEEP! it went again.
"HA HA HA!" said the man, snapping his fingers.
A black cat meandered nonchalantly past.
"OH NO!" the man shrieked, and jumped off a cliff.
* mused a bit, and then said, "I think he was rather overly superstitious."
"Why, @, I didn't know you could make that noise," said *, startled.
"Wow, @, that's pretty good!" said *. He looked about. @ was not there.
"Hmmm..." * blinked. Something QUEER was going on. Fletcher was missing. Oops, wrong story.
The sound emanated from behind a small boulder. * took a step in that direction.
A small, furry head rose from behind the pile.
AWEEP! it said.
Suddenly, a short, dumpy man holding an umbrella and a sack marked "loot" descended from a nearby helicopter.
"HEH!!" he screamed. He took out a dagger. "Say your prayers, otulet!" He advanced evilly.
AWEEP! went the otulet.
@ returned. "Boo," said @.
The evil man smiled maliciously. "I'm not afraid of |!#^|@^s, either," he said. Then, a small polar bear attacked him. Then it left.
AWEEP! went the otulet.
The helicopter flew away into a thundercloud.
"Hi," said * to the otulet, trying to be friendly.
Shriek! went the otulet.
"Sorry," said *.
An owl flew by. An evil man in a mask shot it with a slingshot. It fell into the ocean where it floated. The man jumped in and began swimming toward it, laughing quietly the whole time. On the way there, a starved shark became fulfilled.
ZZZT! came a loud noise from the thundercloud. A crumpled piece of metal fell into the ocean.
A rumbling noise came from the east. A large dark blotch appeared on the horizon. @ flew over to see what it was. The little |!#^|@^ returned and said, "SQUAWK!"
"Ah." * was enlightened.
It was a herd of stampeding cattle, being chased by a man in an amphibious craft. They were coming toward *!!
"Well, otulet," said *, as @ had flown to safety, "this looks like the end for us, huh?"
The otulet AWEEPed quietly.
They were coming closer. The man was standing in the amphibious craft, laughing wickedly, as he kept chasing the herd. In two seconds the loudly rumbling herd would be upon them.
Shriek! wailed the otulet despondently.
The herd abruptly veered aside.
"You think you've seen the last of ME?!" said the evil man, letting out a screeching, raucous, sinister laugh that proved he was the kind of guy who would hand out pellets of poison to innocent golden-haired children. "I SHALL RETURN!!" He shook his fist at them as the amphibious craft crashed into a precipace.
AWEEP! went the otulet sadly.
A man driving a steamroller drove by. An innocent, golden-haired child wandered haplessly in front of it. "HEH!" said the man and shifted into third. Then his steamroller rolled over a landmine, and the child went away.
AWEEP! went the helpless otulet.
An earthworm fell from the sky. "Hmmm..." said *. "An earthworm fell from the sky."
AWEEP! went the despondent otulet.
No one noticed the sinister burglar oozing toward the otulet.
...until it was too late.
A muffled *AWEEP* was heard by *. He looked about. The otulet was not there.
"HA,HA!!!" shrieked the badguy. "I've got you now!" He was racing toward the remains of the amphibious craft. He hopped in and turned the key.
WHEEZE . . . . sputter! . . . COUGH! . . . PUTTPUTTPUTT...
* and @ chased after the evil man but he drove toward the sea. "No one can follow me now!!" he gloated. He vroomed off into the ocean.
"Heh!" he screamed, going farther out to sea, holding the otulet in one hand and a pistol in the other. "Now you'll get it, you foolish otulet!"
Shriek! went the otulet.
The man smiled unpleasantly and began to aim for the otulet, which was not all that difficult.
...PUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTPT!BThbt. The motor propeller caught in part of the kelp bed and stopped.
"Curses!" bellowed the thief, shooting at a gull flying overhead.
* and @ watched helplessly from the shore.
At that moment a playful whale overturned the amphibious craft.
"Oh, no!" said *.
"SQUAWK!" said @.
"The otulet will drown."
A faint AWEEP! was heard. A tear came to *'s eye. "That evil man killed the otulet," * sniffed.
"Ecxuse me," said a smiley voice behind them.
"Who...who are you?" sniffed *.
"I'm Smiley Bfrigot," said the person. "What happened?"
"Well, our otulet was drowned by a sinister man," explained *.
"An otulet?" said Bfrigot. "They can't drown. They swim all the time. By the by, what's your name?"
"*," said *. "How come we found him by these rocks, then? Huh?"
"He was losted, and separated from his parental unit. See...look." He pointed toward the overturned amphibious craft. And there was a large otter handing the otulet something.
AWEEP! went the otulet gratefully.
"The mom just feeded the otulet." explained Smiley Bfrigot. "And what's that in your hand?"
"Oh." * looked. "Here." He held the garbage out to Bfrigot.
"Thank you," said Bfrigot, and ate it. Then he moseyed off.
SQUAWK! said @.
"Hmmm," said *.
Then, they heard the rumbling again!
"SQUAWK!" said @.
Then it stopped.
"Hey, whaddyaknow, it was just my stomach. Let's go get some food," said *.
And out at sea, the little otulet was eating, too.
© 1998-2021 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019