Never Eat Cardboard

by Phil Hahn

Never Eat Cardboard.
It's Not Good For You.
I mean Sometimes When You Open A Package Of Food,
Cardboard From Its Box Could Fall Into It,
But You Should Pick It Out.
And Don't Give Me That Tired Argument About
Needing Fiber In Your Diet.
That's Pathetic.
That's Not The Same Kind of Fiber.
Besides, Cardboard Doesn't Taste That Good.
I suppose You Could Put Something on it Like
Salt or Ketchup or Something.
Or You Could Cook Something and put Some
Cardboard in it and then it might taste Good.
But You Should Still Never Eat Cardboard.
Not even if You Trip and Fall on a Cardboard Box
And Your Mouth Falls On The Edge Of The Box.
Poster Board Is In The Same Category!
It Is Still a Type of Cardboard
And You Shouldn't eat it either.
After You Finish Your Presentation,
Throw The Posterboard Away!
Don't Eat It.
And Don't Get Me Started on Eating
Homework Assignments.
But I'm Still on Cardboard.
Don't Even Eat Cardboard If Someone Is
Opening a Box Above You With a Knife
Shedding Small Pieces, Some Of Which Fall
Into Your Mouth. You Don't Have To Eat Them!
You Can Spit Them Out!
Eating Cardboard Also Makes You Look Silly.
Could You Imagine Seeing Someone Eating
A Buick! How Silly! You Look Just as
Silly Eating Cardboard.
I Love You.
And When You Eat Cardboard there is
even a chance you could cut your mouth.
Some of those edges can give you nasty paper cuts.
Paper cuts Would Be real painful on your mouth.
Especially on your tongue.
Now I know that your mouth heals
Fast, But Why Go Through it?
There Are So Many More Things You
Could Eat that are safer.
What if You Were Eating Cardboard and
Got a paper cut under your tongue and
Cut a vein or artery or something and
Bled to death?
Is It really Worth it?
Think of your family before you eat Cardboard.
You Also Don't Know Where That Cardboard Has Been!
What if it's dirty!
Maybe the last guy to handle that Box
Didn't wash his hands after he went
To the bathroom.
I guess what I'm really trying to say
Is that the internet is a good way
To buy airline tickets.The Compendium

© 1998-2024 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019
Flangitize it!