by Aaron Bannin

(An average evening. CUSTOMER goes to Burgerama to eat, where he has the following exchange with the drive-through TELLER)

TELLER: Welcome to Burgerama, may I take your order?
CUSTOMER: Yeah, give me a Double Cheeseburger combo to go.
TELLER: Would you like to super-size that for only 39 cents?
TELLER: Would you like to extra-super-size that for another 39 cents?
CUSTOMER: (Confused) Huh?
TELLER: Would you like to extra-super-size your meal for 39 cents?
CUSTOMER: Didn't I just do that?
TELLER: No, you only super-sized it.
CUSTOMER: There's more?
TELLER: For another 39 cents, you can get a 32 oz. soda and Mondo-sized fries.
CUSTOMER: What am I getting now?
TELLER: A 24 oz. Soda and Bigman-sized fries.
CUSTOMER: 24 oz.? That's super-sized? That sounds like a medium.
TELLER: We don't have mediums, sir.
CUSTOMER: You don't?
TELLER: No, sir.
CUSTOMER: How many sizes of sodas do you have?
TELLER: We have 3.
CUSTOMER: OK, give me a large.
TELLER: That's only 16 oz.
CUSTOMER: I thought it was 32 oz.
TELLER: (Frustrated) That's not the large.
CUSTOMER: You have a size larger than a large?
TELLER: It's Mondo-sized!
CUSTOMER: Look, you have three sizes of drink. You have your smallest drink, your medium-sized drink, and your largest drink. Small, medium, large. Give me the large.
TELLER: The large size is the small size.
CUSTOMER: OK, then give me the small.
TELLER: We don't have a small size.
CUSTOMER: 16 oz. seems pretty lickity small to me.
TELLER: That's the large.
CUSTOMER: (Angry) Look. I want the size of soda that will give me the greatest amount of actual liquid in the cup.
TELLER: We have large, Bigman and Mondo.
CUSTOMER: Bigman is larger than Mondo?
TELLER: No. Mondo's the biggest.
CUSTOMER: OK, give me a Mondo.
TELLER: Do you want Mondo fries?
CUSTOMER: Are they based on the same naming conventions as the sodas?
TELLER: Yes, sir.
CUSTOMER: Let me ask you this. If I ordered a simple Double Cheeseburger Combo, and super-sized it. What would I get?
TELLER: One Double Cheeseburger, Bigman fries and a 24oz. Soda.
CUSTOMER: And that's super-sized?
TELLER: Yes, sir.
CUSTOMER: So a normal, everyday Double Cheeseburger Combo is, like, a kiddie's meal?
TELLER: No, the Children's Special Value Meal comes with Bigman fries and a 24 oz. soda.
CUSTOMER: (Enlightened) The kiddie's meal is bigger than the regular adult combo?
TELLER: Uhm... yeah.
CUSTOMER: How much is it?
TELLER: 20 cents more than a regular combo.
CUSTOMER: But it's the same size as a super-sized combo, which is 39 cents more?
CUSTOMER: Can I have a Kiddie's meal?
TELLER: You want a super-sized combo? Sure.
CUSTOMER: No, I want the Kiddie's meal, which is the same thing, but 19 cents less. Plus a coloring mat.
TELLER: You can't have a Children's Special Value Meal.
CUSTOMER: (Frustrated) Why not?
TELLER: You're an adult.
CUSTOMER: So I have to spend more money?
TELLER: ...yes.
CUSTOMER: (Giving up) Tell you what. Here's a five-dollar bill. Why don't you give me as much food as you can for this five dollar bill.
TELLER: Uhm.. OK. Do you want to super-size your order for another 39 cents?
TELLER: OK. One moment.The Compendium

© 1998-2024 Zach Bardon
Last modified 7.19.2019
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