Restaurant Limbo (by Sam Leo)

by Sam Leo

Ever go to a restaurant with a lot of people and you had to sit at a large table or in the middle where they had put some tables together? It's cool that you and all your friends get to sit together, but I hate it when you end up in RESTAURANT LIMBO. That's when you get distracted by something or you're just finishing your own little conversation, and all of a sudden you realize that there's one conversation to the left of you, and a completely separate conversation on your right. You've missed the beginning of both conversations and you don't have a clue what's going on, so you can't really jump into any of them. You just kinda sit there, quietly looking back and forth at the two conversations... hoping that they'll either stop talking or that something will happen so you can start talking about that... you know... like a waiter drops a lot of stuff, or someone gets into a fight, or the world ends...

What's really fun about restaurant limbo is that you can say absolutely anything you want and NOBODY will hear you or even realize that you've said something. Be stupid, be mean, be obscene, profess your undying love to the person or drink of your dreams; it doesn't matter, no one will hear. Sometimes I'll turn this into a game where I'll say something REALLY absurd or ridiculous or psychotically frightening just to see if anybody notices.

To Your Left: "Blah blah blah blah"
To Your Right: "Blah blah blah blah"
You: "Sometimes I find it fun to dress chickens up in lederhosen and then fire them out of cannons..."

"Did you say something?"
"Nope, just thinking to myself."

Of course you can't overdo it. Eventually, while you're in the middle of saying something totally off the wall, there's going to be this lull in all the conversations around you, and suddenly, for a brief moment, you'll be the only one talking. Everyone will hear your bizarre statement, and wonder why they hang out with such a loon. For the rest of the night, no one will remember anything you say, no matter how witty or insightful. For the rest of the night, and quite possibly for the rest of your life if there are people you've just met at the table, you'll be remembered as "that weird guy that likes to talk about chickens."

That's why I never go out to eat. And if I do, I just make sure I say stupid stuff all night long... to keep things consistent.