Pizza

Pizza

If you have been to Pizza Hut recently, then you would know that Pizza Hut has recently come out with a variety of Novel Pizza Ideas. One of their ideas is the "edge" pizza, which is a pizza where they put toppings on the crust as well, so that people who don't eat their crusts can no longer fill up Pizza Hut's trash cans. Of course, it costs a little more. This elimination of the crust is very good for people who never eat pizza with their hands. Well, I am positive there ARE such people. It is also good for teaching kids that pizza should be eaten with a fork. Another of their pizza ideas is the "Sicilian" pizza. This is identical to a normal pizza except that they pour an entire family-size can of garlic on each individual piece of the pizza. At least, they did on the one I ordered. Perhaps the high school kid putting on the garlic was talking to someone while he put it on:

KID (begins shaking garlic): Oh my! We have finals tomorrow!
PERSON KID IS TALKING TO: Did you forget about them?
KID (scornfully): OF COURSE NOT!! We just learned about the Civil War!
(shake shake shake)
PERSON: Do you know the entire Gettysburg Address? I do.
KID: Um...Yes! OF COURSE I DO!
PERSON: Say it.
KID: OK. Four score and seven forefath- no wait- Four fathers and seven years ago- no... Hold on! I've got it, just give me a moment...

All the while, the kid is shaking garlic onto the pizza. Not that I mind at all, because it really is a Novel Pizza Idea. Besides, garlic prevents heart attacks, which would explain why Italians did not become extinct years ago.

Another of their ideas came when Johnny, an employee at Pizza Hut, suggested to his manager that they put Runza ingredients into their crusts. According to Johnny, a person could eat his pizza, and rather than throw the crust away, he could enjoy his favorite kind of Runza. Johnny commented: "I love Runza." The manager scorned Johnny, and mocked him in front of the owner. The owner fired Johnny, who promptly began working at Runza.

Years later, the Big Guys at Pizza Hut needed another Novel Pizza Idea, because they felt just their "normal" 780 different kinds of pizza would not get them enough customers. The owner remembered Johnny's idea, and suggested it to the Board. The Board gave him a raise. But Runza refused to give the Board their grandmother's recipe, so the Board just decided to stick cheese in the crust, because hey: everybody loves cheese. They called this pizza the "stuffed crust" pizza. For a few weeks, people bought them. Then Pizza Hut unveiled their next Novel Pizza Idea. I forget what it was, perhaps it was the "triple crust" pizza. They're always doing SOMETHING to the crust.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to continue going to Pizza Hut as long as they keep having these Novel Pizza Ideas. I would ordinarily never go there, I would go someplace like Godfathers or Valentinos. But they never have Novel Pizza Ideas.

A week after the board meeting, Johnny was fired from Runza for suggesting a Runza Pizza.