Ostriches

Ostriches

If you have ever seen ostriches, you have to wonder, "Why are they black and white?" Also: "Do ostriches eat?" The important answers to these questions are "yes," and "no," in no particular order.

But aside from their distinctly peculiar appearance, the ostrich is a very interesting bird. Historians stubbornly maintain that the Egyptians worshipped the ostrich due to the sculptures and hieroglyphics (meaning "hiero-pictures") in their pyramids. I think I would have drawn any bird to look like an ostrich if I were assigned to draw a hiero-bird in a pyramid. I mean, there are dead people in pyramids! I would want to leave! I think the historians are wrong. The Egyptians did not worship ostriches. They worshipped the sun-god, whose name was Ra. They also worshiped these really wierd-shaped camels. They were laying down, and had these funny headdresses. This species of camel is known as a "sphincter." No, wait. A "sphinx." It is the same kind of camel that appears in cigarette commercials.

Historians also support the idea that ostriches lived at the same time as Egyptians, and in the same place. We all know that ostriches live in Africa, and I think so do Egyptians. But this idea seems doubtful when you consider the fact that Egyptians also worshipped camels, which we all know to live in Arabia. This would mean that Egypt also covered modern-day Arabia. Historians believe a lot of things, but they will proudly correct you if you try to tell them that Egypt covered Arabia. "No, it never did" they will say. "That's where camels live." The historians are apparantly unaware that Egyptians worshipped camels, which is really stupid of them, considering that there are still huge sculptures of these camels standing today in Egypt.

But let's play along with the historians for a minute. Suppose that ostriches, camels, and Egyptians lived in the SAME PLACE at the SAME TIME, and that the Egyptians worshipped both of them, along with Ra. I think the ostrich feathers would quickly become covered with camel spittle, making them worthless for tourist trade. Also, budding pyramid hieroglyphers would have been able to study the camel, enabling them to actually draw something that looked like a real camel, and not a "sphinx." Unless camels actually did wear headdresses back then. But they would probably have been covered in spittle.

As you can see, there is really NO WAY that Egyptians, camels, and ostriches could have coexisted. Not to mention the fact that ostriches live south of Egypt.