My favorite thing to drink for dinner at college cafeterias is a drink I invented called the Virgin Zinfandel. It is so named partly because it looks like a zinfandel in its texture and color, and partly because it almost tastes a bit winelike.

Many times people get sick of drinking pop/soda for dinner, but they still want a flavorful drink. The Virgin Zinfandel is a much healthier alternative to pop, and also displays culture and refined taste.

And now:

Here I am finally revealing the secret proportions involved in making a Virgin Zinfandel.

1. First, fill the glass halfway with apple juice. The glass needs to be in the general shape of the above diagram for this to work, because you are filling the glass halfway by height, not by volume. If you don't understand what I mean by that, just follow the diagram.

2. Next put in a little grape juice. If you are at Center Court at Washington University and making it in a small glass (the recommended method), then count five or six squirts of grape from the juice machine. Otherwise follow the diagram. The grape juice is the most important ingredient, and will really determine the overall taste of your Virgin Zinfandel.

3. Lastly, fill the glass to a little teensy bit below the lip with Sprite. You may wish to experiment with other lemon-lime beverages such as 7Up or Slice.

Stir and enjoy!