How to Talk Good

Lesson #3: Utilizing Higher-Echelon Words, Part 1

A Cursory Guide to Lingual Enloftment

Introductory Issues

Think of the English language like a giant parfait. All words belong in certain layers/strata/echelons. In the previous sentence, "layers" is obviously on a low tier, a stone's throw away from a caveman-esque grunting. A bit above that we find "strata," a nice Latin-derived, gentleman's word with the same meaning but a civil demeanor. And, finally, echelon, which is obviously superior. Again, it has the exact same meaning, albeit with an additional syllable and a significantly more refined flavour. And refined flavour, as it happens, is the conscienscious writer's chief end.

Nearly all words (and furthermore, phrases) can be evaluated in this fashion. For example, the first sentence of this paragraph may have originally read, "Almost all words, and even phrases, can be measured like this." Following a systematic evaluation, and replacement of lower-tier words with higher-echelon words, we arrive at our much more lofty result.

"What about if I don't wanna sound lofty?" some poor simpleton may well inquire. To them, we must rejoin, "Pish-posh." In writing, loftiness is a virtue.

"How, then, should I write?" ask conscienscious writers worldwide. "How can I, too, write loftily?" For novices in the realm of high-echelon writing, we have here compiled a cursory guide to some of the foundational enlofting principles in modern writing. Beginners are encouraged to take a sample of their writing and apply these techniques liberally. Be assured that the end result will be 1) significantly loftier, 2) significantly more refined in flavour, and 3) significantly longer, all of which are desirable consequences.

How to Elevate Your Expository Echelon

Writers these days have grown so desensitized to the prevailing low-echelon speech that they find themselves incapable, when push comes to shove, of elevating their writing to a suitable loftiness. Following these steps, while it is merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg, is guaranteed to start your pedestrian prose well on its way towards belles-lettres-hood.

1. Don't Do Not Contract; Expand!

Contractions directly oppose high-echelon style. They are informal (i.e. low-class), they reduce the number of syllables (i.e. reduce the total latent meaning), and they value efficiency over style (i.e. Hitler). Friends, if you want to achieve loftiness in writing, your first step is to eliminate (via expansion) all contractions in your writing.

That may have been a bit too much all at once. Let's look at a simpler example. Here, only the contractions have been expanded:

Next: Beginner-level Word Substitution