Riding the Fence

I want that thing I cannot have
No, it can never be
Why want this crutch, this hind'ring love,
This passion killing me?

Inner conflict, want and want
But which do I want more?
Toiling ideologies
They fight their sophic war

Both are what I want to be,
And both are who I am
Yet neither wants the other near
Each sees my life a sham

They strive for dominance, and force
My life to this sad state:
I hate the things I love to do
And love the things I hate

My worst mistake is heavensent;
My ideal choice a blunder
I fear that these exclusive two
Will tear this one asunder

I'll think I have resolved, and yet
My mind will not be stilled
I cannot be at peace with me
Until my will is killed