How to Talk Good

Lesson #4: Utilizing Higher-Echelon Words, Part 2

A Cursory Guide to Lingual Enloftment

(continued from Part 1)

2. Beginner-level Word Substitution

After expanding your contractions, your first concern is basic thesaurus-style word replacement. You will be chagrined at how often you have been utilizing low-echelon words! Here are some common lower-echelon word choice blunders made by a surprisingly large number of authors, and their respective high-echelon replacements:

USE » utilize

Bad: "Don't use drugs."
Good: "Do not utilize drugs."

The most common writing-lowering blunder made by writers today. Nothing lowers the level of your writing more swiftly than continued use of the word "use." Never utilize "use" when you could be utilizing "utilize." It says the same thing, but it's longer and ends with a classy extraneous suffix.

MAYBE » peradventure/perhaps/perchance/mayhap

Bad: "Maybe I will, maybe I won't."
Good: "Peradventure I will, perchance I will not."

People all too often lower their writing level by utilizing the word "maybe." "Maybe" should be one of the first words stricken from the conscienscious writer's vocabulary. The best high-echelon substitute is of course "peradventure" (which is lent even greater superiority by its having fallen into general disuse). If you find yourself overusing "peradventure," you can always substitute "perhaps" or possibly "possibly," but even these higher-tier words are difficult to justify in light of such nonpareil beauties as "perchance" and "mayhap."

IN CASE » in the event that

Bad: "Break in case of fire."
Good: "In the event that fire transpires, break."

Never use "in case." It sounds wussy and newfangled, and lawyers (often quite accomplished in lofty/lengthy writing) hate it.[1] If lawyers hate it, so should you. If you find yourself overusing "in the event that," you can substitute "should," e.g. "Break should a fire occur."

ABOUT » concerning/regarding (even better: vis-à-vis)

Bad: "I'm not sure about that."
Good: "Concerning that, I am unsure."
Best: "I possess no certainty vis-à-vis that."

"About" is another word which commonly lowers the writing level of otherwise advanced writers. It should be discarded, and thenceforth avoided at all costs. The only exception is the military term "about-face," which would of course sound ridiculous as "vis-à-vis-face" (especially considering that vis means face).

INSTEAD OF » in lieu of

Bad: "It's not on Monday; it's on Tuesday instead."
Good: "It is not on Monday; it is on Tuesday in lieu."

The word "instead" is a fine word, but a common one. Less common (and hence loftier) words can be utilized in its stead. In lieu of "instead of," write "in lieu of."

BUT » albeit

Bad: "I'm afraid I can't go, but my friend will go instead."
Good: "I fear I cannot go, albeit my friend will go in lieu."

"Albeit" can also replace "however."

ETC. » et. al.

Bad: "I like Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, etc."
Good: "I like Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, et al."

Always remember: et cetera is et al.'s ugly stepsister. In recent times, hundreds upon thousands of malinformed writers have been abusing "etc." to the point where no one really knows what it means or how exactly it should be used (much like the word "irony"... or the ellipsis...). Thus, to achieve loftiness one must eschew the use of "etc." altogether, and use its close cousin "et al." (or attractive stepsibling, as it were). Should you feel you are overusing "et al.," "and their ilk" makes a fine substitute.

MUCH (adv) » significantly/vastly

Bad: "His new car is much, much nicer."
Good: "His new car is vastly, significantly nicer."

"Much" ought never to be used as an intensifier when many significantly more desirable alternatives exist. If you don't know what an intensifier is, utilize caution! Consider this example: "How much coffee would you like?" Asking "How significantly coffee would you like?" would be an embarrassing blunder, albeit a well-intentioned one.

A » the proverbial

Bad: "I'm gonna give you a black eye."
Good: "I will give you the proverbial black eye."

Here is a trick from the experts guaranteed to get your writing sounding reasonably lofty in a matter of seconds. Select roughly 30% of your "a"'s and substitute "the proverbial." Not only is it vastly longer, but it also makes many of your sentences appear to reference some sort of well-known public domain fable, adding scholarly clout and trustworthiness to your otherwise 100% personal thoughts.

THOUGH/ALTHOUGH » while

Bad: "Though he looks nice, he's really a jerk."
Good: "While he appears amicable, in actuality he is a jerk."

While it may seem that utilizing "although" is the preferable choice, as it appears to be a polycompound word (discussed below) and it is longer, the "secondary definition" principle (also discussed below) trumps longness. Sometimes these can also be replaced with "albeit."

BECAUSE/SINCE » as

Bad: "Since I was hungry, she made me a pie."
Good: "As I hungered, she made me the proverbial pie."

"As" trumps "because" and "since" for the same reason that the aforementioned "while" replaces "although" (cf. the previous).

JUST (adv) » merely

Bad: "Doesn't that just take the cake?"
Good: "Does not that merely abscond with the cake?"

"Just" is a prevalent style-lowering word, when employed as an adverb. Do not utilize it -- it makes you sound like a little kid. "Just" ought only to be used as an adjective, as in "The criminal felt his punishment was just," or "The justice was fair and just."

OF COURSE » naturally

Good: "Of course, I am right."
Better: "Naturally, my opinion is correct."

A truly conscienscious writer's writing is liberally sprinkled with phrases that imply that the writer's words are the only plausible conclusion, or that the writer's opinion is widely accepted common knowledge (cf. "the proverbial" above). Of course, the loftiest of these phrases is "naturally." Coming in at a close second is "of course," which naturally makes a fine substitute in the event that you are overusing "naturally." In the event that you have written three consecutive sentences without utilizing either "naturally" or "of course," it behooves you to utilize one of them forthwith.

ALMOST » nearly

Bad: "We're almost there!"
Good: "We have nearly arriven."

To experienced writers high in the high-echelon echelons, the almost/nearly substitution is second nature. To aspiring writers: forget you ever learned the word "almost." Consider it water under the proverbial bridge. Henceforth, "nearly" is nearly always the superior choice.

LATELY/RECENTLY » of late

Bad: "What've you been up to lately?"
Good: "Of course, to what have you been up of late?"

By now, you no doubt understand why this substitution is desirable, so naturally we will give no further explanation. In the event that you find yourself overusing "of late," you can fall back on "in recent times."

BETWEEN » betwixt

Bad: "Just between you and me."
Good: "Merely betwixt you and I."

Between, though it has a long tradition in the English language, has fallen into low-echelon-hood, particularly of late given the hideous coining of "Tweens" to describe the post-teen/pre-adult generation.

NECESSARILY » perforce

Bad: "I'm not necessarily endorsing that."
Good: "Naturally, I am not perforce advocating that."

Finally, here is an example of a more advanced word replacement. While you may certainly utilize "necessarily" without it perforce lowering your writing style, utilizing "perforce" in lieu will assure your writing of firm footing in the high echelons of style.

Next: Four Principles of Word Superiority

1 Carol Duncan, a lawyer, says "I hate it." (qtd. in The Guardian)